A Stoner's guide to drug testing

Introduction

If you enjoy the occasional joint and work a 9 to 5 job, then surely you agree that there is nothing scarier than that surprise urine request. Most of the time, that fear comes from a lack of understanding just how these types of tests work.

We feel it’s important to say that we don’t condone being high at work. And are by no means encouraging it. We just want you to have all of the information necessary so that you are being responsible with your consumption.

At the same time, we don’t believe it’s wrong to punish people who enjoy recreational weed over the weekend, or use cannabis medicinally. So we want you to understand exactly how these exams work and how cannabis shows up on these tests.

That’s why we have compiled the ultimate stoner’s guide to drug tests. We’ll tell you everything you need to know so that the next time you find yourself in a situation where you have to perform a drug test, you’re well versed.

So if you want to know how drug tests work, how cannabis is detected in them, and how you can take measures in an emergency situation, keep reading this article.

Table of Contents

What is drug testing and how does it work?

Urine Drug Testing

What is a drug test?

The most common ways to recollect the samples they need to perform the exam are urine, blood, saliva, hair, or sweat.

The urine test is the most common. With this type of test you will have to give a sample of pee to a healthcare professional, who will likely need to see you pee to verify that you don’t tamper with the sample.

The blood exams are done in a clinic and by a healthcare professional. They will take a sample from your arm and send it in for testing.

Saliva and hair testing are some of the least common recollection methods. They are also the tests that are easiest to provide. They both just need swabs, either from your hair or your saliva.

Unfortunately for stoners, cannabis can be detected with any of these methods. Not only can it be detected, some of these tests can detect weed in your system even months after smoking.

Remember, we don’t want to scare you. Just prepare you with information about how these exams work so you can take the necessary precautions.

For example, if you’re looking for a job, then you might want to cut back a bit. Just in case you are asked to perform a drug test. If you’re competing in a sports event, it might also be a good idea to take a break.

While there are tons of methods and products to cheat a THC drug test, no method is proven to be 100% accurate. So the best thing to do is not smoke. But if you’re curious as to what these methods are, we do cover some later on in the article.

Why perform drug tests?

Drug tests are used for different purposes like:

  • Keeping tabs on employees to make sure they aren’t using on-the-job.
  • Clarify the circumstances of an accident.
  • Prevent athletes from using performance enhancing drugs.
  • Monitor specific drug treatments.
  • Or recollect legal evidence in a case.

There are some cases in which we simply need to be more clear headed and, unfortunately, people have a hard time grasping this concept. That’s why drug tests are so common.

Cannabis can be great, and there is nothing wrong with a pre-roll from time to time. But we have to understand that there are certain things that THC just doesn’t mix with. For example, driving or dealing with time sensitive tasks.

So why risk it? Just leave the moon rocks and the bong for another occasion. One where no one is counting on you to get work done.

What can be found in a drug test?

A drug test can also be used for one specific drug or a group of substances. They are normally used to test for:

  • Alcohol
  • Amphetamines
  • Methamphetamines
  • Benzodiazepines like Clonazepam
  • Cocaine
  • Marijuana (THC)
  • Opioids
  • PCP
  • Steroids

For the purpose of this article though, we’re going to concentrate on THC drug testing. Given we are talking about cannabis, after all.

One really important thing to mention is that CBD doesn’t show up on a drug test. Given that it is not considered a drug. So if you feel really anxious or need to consume cannabis for a medical reason, consider switching to CBD.

There are some great CBD products out there that you can try. And they work great for reducing stress. So, you could say they’re the perfect thing to use when in these sticky situations.

What is the detection period for THC drug tests?

The detection period for a drug test refers to the time period, after consuming a substance, where it can still be detected in your system. And that depends on multiple factors like:

  • The type of drug
  • How much you used
  • How frequently you consumed
  • How long you consumed the substance
  • How your body reacts to the substance
  • Metabolic rate
  • Body mass index
  • Age
  • Overall health
  • And even urine pH

For example, if you smoked one joint a week ago, it’s probably not in your system anymore. But if you smoke all-day, every day and haven’t smoked in a week, it’s probably still in your system.

The crazy thing about weed is that it’s absorbed through the endocannabinoid system. These are receptors that we have throughout our entire body that are specifically designed to receive the components found in cannabis and other plants like cañamo.

And we have these receptors everywhere! Meaning that cannabis can even be found in your hair follicles weeks after consuming regularly. You can even sweat THC!

The detection period also varies depending on the test type. While THC can be found in urine days or weeks after consuming, it can be found in saliva up to 12 hours after consuming. And like I mentioned earlier, THC can stay in your hair follicles for months on end.

But don’t worry, hair drug tests are normally reserved for legal cases. And the most common type of test is urine and blood, so just stop consuming two weeks before any known test and you should be fine.

If you are a regular smoker though, this could be a real hindrance in your job searching quest. So keep reading this article if you want to find out exactly how some people cleanse their system of THC. Although, again, not smoking is best.

A Stoner's guide to drug testing

As we already mentioned, your best bet in passing a drug test is to stay clean. Although we know that some people have the need for medical marijuana. Which is commonly used to treat chronic pain or anxiety, for example.

And let’s be honest, you might have enjoyed a blunt or two the weekend before they called you and offered you the job of your dreams. Just because you smoked then, doesn’t mean you would smoke on the job or do your job irresponsibly.

It’s no secret that there are ways around THC drug tests, though as we said before they haven’t been proven 100% effective. So, keep this in mind.

But if you ever want to cleanse or detox your body from THC, there are multiple things you can try to get things moving along quicker.

We say quicker, because the problem with THC is that it can stay in your system for a really long time, and urine exams can have really long detection periods.

If you smoke on occasion, it can be found a week after smoking. If you smoke regularly then it can be found up to 3 weeks after smoking. And if you smoke multiple times a day, everyday, you know, Snoop Dogg style, then it can take up to a month and a half to drain THC from your system.

The wild thing about these kinds of THC drug tests, is that they don’t detect THC at all. They actually detect something called metabolites that stick to your system but aren’t even the psychoactive part of cannabis.

Obviously, employers don’t care that you aren’t even high. If marijuana shows up on your exams, you’re likely out of a job.

We actually know a lot of cannabis consumers that are killer at their jobs and have a lot of financial success. It’s important to keep in mind that THC drug tests are not so much because weed is hazardous or bad for your professional development. They have more to do with the mass hysteria surrounding weed consumption.

We still have a long way to go in social acceptance as smokers. And before that happens we are just going to have to cope with the fact that we have to be respectful of other people’s views on the subject as well.

And since there still isn’t the acceptance all of us would love for cannabis, there are tons of people that have taken the liberty to find some of the weirdest ways of cheating the system and going undetected in a urine test.

So here are some of the best tips and tricks in those emergency situations, but none of them are guaranteed. Our best advice is to stop consuming, but if you get caught by surprise there are some methods you can shoot your shot with.

1. Don’t give any excuses or tall-tales

If you think you can razzle-dazzle your way out of a positive drug test result with words, then think again. With today’s advances in technology and ever-growing scientific discoveries it is virtually impossible to get a false negative on a THC drug test.

They are actually more known to give high percentages of false negatives where drug use isn’t detected even though there has been consumption. This may seem less scary, but you never know if you’ll be the lucky percentile. So don’t take any risks.

There is also no known substance to create false positives for THC drug tests. They used to think that ibuprofen interfered, but since then, that theory has been proven wrong. So, you can’t really blame it on anything.

And if you’re thinking of coming up with the classic “my friends smoke, I’m passive!” Then think again. Passive smoking and being near marijuana smokers, even in a closed environment, isn’t enough to produce 50 ng/ml of metabolites in your system, which is what it takes to give a positive result.

So if you’re a passive smoker there is literally a 0% chance that you could give a positive result. Breathing a little second-hand smoke won’t cut it. So don’t try to pull a fast one on your employers. It could be detrimental.

2. Get your gallons worth of water.

Most people can get the THC and metabolites through their system just by increasing their water intake. They say that it dilutes the concentration of metabolites found in urine.

Some people even say that pineapple juice gets the trick done as well. And that it’s even more effective. Given that pineapple has a high percentage of pH. So much so that it can alter the pH in urine, thus tampering with the results.

They also suggest taking a vitamin B pill to give the urine a less diluted color. There are some labs that don’t accept urine that is too clear given that they know most people try to get rid of metabolites with water.

Don’t consume anything while cleansing your system. This can have counter-active effects. And again, the best way to pass a test is to not consume anything.

3. Magic pee

As we said earlier, there are some really wild solutions to passing a drug test. One of the craziest is dehydrated urine from Byrd Labs! You simply fill the cup with water, pour the solution in, and voila! You have your urine ready to go!

But again, there is no method that goes without its risks. And, unfortunately, this is a hard one to pull off. You see, the healthcare professionals that recollect the sample always make sure the temperature of the urine is a normal 91-97 degrees fahrenheit.

And magic pee is cold. So, this might not be the most effective method. Another thing to keep in mind is that if you get caught cheating, that could mean immediate termination.

4. Smoke Shop Adulterants

There are tons of smoke shops all over the country that sell special products to cleanse the THC out of your system. These can range from detox-kits, to diuretic teas, all the way to specially designed products.

Some of the most famous special adulterants are Klear and Whizzies. Though no adulterant is 100% effective. They actually have a high risk of detection. As soon as these potions hit the market, labs started testing for them. And again, if you’re caught cheating, you’re out of a job.

Conclusion

The best way to prepare for any type of drug test is to stay clean and get informed. We know there are some situations in which that’s just impossible and we wish you luck if the emergency presents itself.

But if you’re actively looking for a job, or work somewhere where they constantly test you just stop smoking altogether or switch to CBD pre-rolls. Do you have any advice for drug testing? Feel free to share in the comments below!

Also, if you have a friend who has gotten burned by the surprise drug test before, feel free to send them this article! It could save your buddy from another job loss!

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